He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
