At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
