Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
