Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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