I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
