i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
