grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So much rum. So many feels.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
