Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
