i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
