his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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