Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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