Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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