I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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