Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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