How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
