No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
