Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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