I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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