also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
