Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
