Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my shit smells like andre
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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