There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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