But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
