just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
