we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
