oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
