then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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