is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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