i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
