I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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