Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
