from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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