I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
