awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
