I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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