So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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