Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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