Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
