I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
