the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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