he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
