i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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