we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
