You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
