i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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