Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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