He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
