took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
