Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
