You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
