there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
