i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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