; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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