My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
