you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
