I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
