I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
